Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you win again, gameday.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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