i may or may not be watching the land before time
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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