i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
