Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
