Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
