I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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