did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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