You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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