i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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