Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
