The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
