look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
