ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
