This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
