it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
