He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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