Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
