I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize