Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i wish my penis had a tongue
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
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