Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
