The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
