Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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