On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
