The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
