I think im going to throw up on grandma
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
