I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
