You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
