and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
