i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
