you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
