Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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