Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Terrible idea I love it
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
