All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My feet surprised me
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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