how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I will be naked everywhere
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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