I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
