honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
