Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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