He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
