their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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