lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
