At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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