I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
you never un-have a 4some
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
