On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
