he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Im part way to drunk.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize