Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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