Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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