oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
