for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
