Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
