I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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