Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
