He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
