Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
