i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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