If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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