ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
