Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
