Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
