Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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