Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
