I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
