Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
