Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
