When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
