I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
