Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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