I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
