just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Randomize
