I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You pole danced in your parka.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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