Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
